Ahh yea well I had a pretty interesting weekend...friday night I just stayed home cuz with the many friends I have I didnt have anywhere to go lol well I guess I was invited somewhere but I felt like they really didnt want me there soo...I dont know according to them that was my imagination??  I imagine people ignoreing me now??? lol Idk then Saturday I went to the mall with Kelsey at like 1:30 to watch the DDR tournament it was ok but I was kinda bored cuz I really didnt have anyone to talk to since she was mostly there to see someone else but hey whatever I was looking forward to later so I made it through lol we were supposed to go see an early movie cuz I had plans for that night but frickin fairlane dont have a movie theater anymore  then Tommy and Charlie didnt show up till around 5:30 and we were gunna go see Amityville Horror but apparently you cant see them unless youre 17 and yea..me and Kelsey arent and they werent gunna go see it without us...so we had to wait around for 374875 hours to see Alot Like Love which sucked if I do say so myself but I was happy cuz I just talked to Charlie the whole time  lol man that kid is awesome....well anyway after we had to bring Tommy and Charlie home(I got a kiss)and I forgot about my plans that I had before (Jennys Birthday party) and it ended up being around 10  so I called and started apologizeing PROFUSELY (big word) but she was pissed beyond reason and started freaking on me and told me just not to come  so typical me I started crying and stuff and yea she was pretty pissed off...I felt terrible and couldnt sleep at all then woke up early the next morning and told mymom to bring me to the store where I bought her a balloon an apology card and a teddy bear then brought it to her house....it didnt make a difference she was still pissed beyond reason and once again I started crying being the emotional person I am...well we fought for awhile  blah blah blah I told her how shes been leaving me out lately and treating melike I dont matter blah blah blah noone backed me up(yea real nice right?) but hey after awhile we made up but they still went out w/o me which makes me wonder if we actually made up or not  ehh but yea so I was at home being somewhat miserable and talking to charlie and he asked me out  sooo that made things alot better...lol yes very fun filled weekend lol

"Stay Tonight"

49 hours and 46 minutes to go
but who's counting. i just thought
I'd let you know
I filled my head with your voice.
And now I'm drowning,
Well I wrote this song for you.

You can stay tonight,
And make everything alright.
You can hold me down,
And tell me that you're right.
Tell me what it's like to be alone.

And we have this down,
Unlike everybody.
I'll spend a million nights
Just like tonight you know,
I screamed your name at the sky,
Until I lost my voice.
Well I'd give my life for you.

You can stay tonight,
And make everything alright.
You can hold me down,
And tell me that you're right.
Tell me what it's like to be alone.

You can stay tonight...

You can stay tonight,
And make everything alright.
You can hold me down,
And tell me that you're right.
Tell me what it's like to be alone.

Well Im bored as hell so Im gunna do this nifty little survey

The Perfect Guy

1. hair color – dark
2. eye color - blue or green
3. height –    tall                                                      
4. six pack - would be nice but doesnt matter
5. long or short hair -  in between
6. glasses –  contacts
7. piercings –  sexy
8. scars - umm I dont care
9. eyebrows - umm do I want him to have eyebrows???...usually
10. big butt or little- cute butt

11. chest hair – nah but it they have it then they should keep it
12. buff or skinny-  in between
13. straight teeth, gap, or braces – preferably straight but who cares
 
14. funny or serious- knows when to be either
15. party or stay at home-  I enjoy both as long ashes staying home w/ me
16. should he cook or bake-   umm I dont care
17. should he have a best friend - yes
 18. should he have a lotta girlfriends – I dont care as long as he doesnt flirt too much
19. outgoing or shy - inbetween
20. sarcastic or sincere -  iidk
21. should he love his mother? –  yea it means he'd be respectful to me
22. should he watch chick flicks? – umm its kinda weird...
23. would he be a smoker? – preferably no
24. would he drink? –  once in awhile...not alot
25. would he swear? – yea...not alot...just normal 
26. would he play with your hair?-  uhhuh
27. one or more girls at a time – um lets see..ONE!?!
28. would he pay for dates? – I like to be spoiled..but Id feel guilty

 29.does he kiss on the first date?- if he wants to?
30. where would you go to dinner? –  anywhere he wants
31. would he bring you flowers?- aww thatd be so cute

 32. would he lay under the stars with you?- yes
33. would he write poetry about you? – if he wants to
34. would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? –  yeaaa Id love it
35. would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? - depends if he wants to
36.would you hang out with him and his friends? yes
37. will he walk you to the door at the end? – awww
38. holding hands –  uhhuh
39. soccer – Idc

 40. baseball – Idc
41. basketball - Idc
42. football – Idc
43. water – Idc
44. surf – I do not careeee
 

45. skateboard- ----
46. snowboard- -------
47. sing – yess

 48. play guitar - uhhuh
49. play piano –  ??
. play drums-
51. clean his room – wth?
paint, draw, sculpt –
53. writes his own music – 
54. use the word dude – 
55. use the word tight – 
 

 56. would he watch the sun rise with you -  yes
what kind of car does he drive-  ?
58. how old is he – around my age
59.what would his name be-

    I dont really have much to say...not a real exciting day..I was sick again and I couldnt talk or eat...it sucked basically and thats all I have to say

"A Drag In D Flat" by Saves the Day

If every limb were broken,
tires had all worn thin
and my toes are all in pieces.
Do you know
what I would do?
I would play can you drag yourself
200 miles
with just your fingernails?
A little game that I made up.
Do you know that I never ever lose?
There is nothing to
keep me from coming back to you
cause I can picture all the pictures of you
and me on your walls.
What would it take to make you mine forever?
Just your fingernails,
a little game that I made up.
Do you know, that I never ever lose?
Could I cut out my liver,
make a special potion
to close my flat?
Three parts my heart.
Yeah, you know that I would do it in a second.
With just my fingernails,
a little game that I made up.
Do you know that I never ever lose?
With just my fingernails,
a little game that I made up.
Do you know that I never ever lose?
Never lose.

    yea I told that kid that I like him lol I feel like such a loser but oh well its not any different so its all good hmm Im in 2nd period right now so like so far nothing really happened today except that I feel like crap  cuz like my throat hurts and Im tired/dizzy and I have a lump on my throat which apparently means my glands(??) are swollen and apparently that means that I could either be getting mono or strept throat  hopefully not cuz that would really suck...haha I have a Tommy Hilfiger thong and it has like a big H with Tommy written across it... I told Tommy that Id give it to him since it has his name on it..lol

    Rarr. Last night I was on the phone with Nick and he was like making me feel like crap...its not my fault I cant feel like that for him...is it? I tried but..Idk going out with him just ended up hurting him cuz yea...we dont need to get into that and I thought I had it clear to him we were just friends but I guess its gunna take a little more...he keeps getting jealous...maybe I just shouldnt tell him stuff anymore?? Idk w/e

    hmm I think Im starting tanning today..hopefully I never did it before but I realy want to before summer starts so Im not so frickin white hmm

"Bleed For You"by Hidden In Plain View

The cold concrete cuts against her back
And her spirit spills with blood onto the pavement
Hands tied so tight behind her neck
And a silence falls, and everything changes
And everything dies, to you nothing’s alive, to you anymore
I guess you've gotten more than you might have wanted

If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
I would bleed for you
So you’ll never feel this way
Again when you’re in my arms
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you

She drowns herself until the images erase
But the skin is bruised all along her thighs
Nightmares repeat refrain the memories of pain
In mental photographs haunting all the time so
She shuts her eyes, to you she tries to hide
From you, she falls asleep into dreams where she is safe

If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I’ll bleed for you
So you’ll never feel this way
Again when you’re in my arms
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you

Put the weight on my shoulders
And the pain in my heart
Tie the knots in my stomach and you’ll let it tear me apart.
So tear me apart.
-So I could be everything you need-

And this silence strips me bare,
and your body pins me down.
I've never been so scared to breathe,
afraid to make a sound.
And all I know is you'll never let me go..
Just kick and scream, bite and bleed,
and make believe it's all a dream.

   ehh I havent written in here for awhile cuz my computer's being gay but yea Im at jens house and shes in the shower so I figured Id write something

   well not too much has changed except I liked someone...got over them I guess and now like someone else (who once again I doubt Id hve a chance in hell with and would die before finding out if I do)  but hey whos complaining right? lol yea well last night I went to the Leymeister Fest  with Jen, Corby, Kelsey, Tommy and Charlie...It was fun I guess except for me being in a pissy/anti-social mood and seeing the "carebear on speed" lol and some random drunk guy was really scaring/pissing me off. I liked The Commercials most...and Rejected Culture second the other ones were descent but they were my favorites...I got a shirt that says The Commercials on it the under it it says  I wish my exboyfriend was dead which I found pretty amusing. And I got to see Danielle and Christina<333 who I havent seen in forever so that was pretty cool.

   I got this really adorable purse today  its pink! but I only had like half of what it was so Jen's mom paid for the rest and I came over to Jens and cleaned haha It was a good deal because the cleaning got my mind off alot of things and I feel better and I got my purse and she got her house cleaned haha everyone won! hmm I think I might be going to hang out with Nick tomorrow since I havent in awhile... I didnt want to before cuz..yea but I made it clear that we're only friends so now we're just bestfriends lol

   hmm I dont know what else to write so Im gunna put in a song

And all our sins
Come back to haunt us in the end
To hang around and tap us on the shoulder
And smile silent
It's all implied
You'll die trying to live this down
You might as well forget it
Still Im convinced
Wondering what if this is the worst thing there is

So we bottled and shelved all our regrets
Let them ferment and came back to our senses
Drove back home and slept a few days
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be

And all these lines fall short of what I had in mind
A failed attempt to capsulize a feeling
So I just try
Fail and try and try again
Someday I swear Im going to get it
Because Im convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is
   Straylight Run<-very good song

yea ok Im done